before i could release
the weight of my sadness
and pain, I first had
to honor its existence
I need to be more personal with you than I usually am. I'm taking a big risk here, but this is more important to me than likes, subscribers and money.
Something I plan to share more about in the future is my own journey through intergenerational trauma.
It’s something that has been underlying my teachings for years.. But interestingly (and aligned with how it manifests), I have not actually ‘allowed’ it to truly surface into my experience. Until very recently.
Some of you will question why I teach self-regulation if I haven’t figured all this out yet. My recent experience has made me realize that sometimes we can be excellent teachers for others, but if there are deeper layers that we haven’t worked through, they will rise to the surface. Often in ways that can hurt and overwhelm another person.
As painful as this surfacing was, I am thankful that my body finally seems to be ‘ready’ to allow for the unconscious to come up into my awareness. This is the only way that I believe we can heal.
If damage from the past stays below the surface of our awareness, we don’t get to use the higher level circuitry that has the capacity to integrate it and use it as growth.
The content I share with you is what has helped me keep myself going, build a podcast, have incredible jobs, speak in front of thousands of people, travel the world, and maintain long-term friendships with people who look to me for emotional support and who I can turn to for the same. I was able to do all of those things because of my belief and personal application of neuroplasticity, self-regulation, and helping others reconnect with a sense of purpose.
There are certain areas of life that I have worked through with amazing results, such as forgiveness and harmony within my family, despite so many challenges. That feels like one of the most important areas where I learned, researched, experimented and applied what I studied (my graduate thesis was original research I conducted on empathy and family emotional climate). Teaching teachers and parents how to create psychologically safe relationships and environments for children is also something I have built and honed for well over a decade. But there are areas of my life that still have room for growth.
I cherish the connection I am able to build with people because of my own process in self-healing. That's why it comes across so authentically. That's why I can help people more deeply understand their pain.
And because of this recent experience, I am becoming more aware of my own patterns of dysregulation. I want to use this in a way that will allow me to explain post traumatic growth in new ways and build secure future relationships. I want to do this work to honor someone I let down because I hadn’t resolved these issues yet.
But this process takes time.
I was ‘born’ to do this… to go through emotional darkness and pain so that I can emerge with new understandings of how we can all heal so that I can teach others the ‘mechanics’ of growth, healing and evolution. It's how I've created the content I share with you.
One of my biggest insights that I’ll leave you with: As an introvert and someone who values alone time and independence, I am starting to truly understand how important secure relationships are.
With that, I want to let you know that I am taking a break from my blog, podcast, social media and workshops in order to do some of my own personal work. It may be a couple of months or longer. I’m doing this in service to all of you, and with the goal of bringing an even deeper connection to what neuroplasticity and healing from our past has the potential to look like.
If you'd like to know when my content is back, please make sure to subscribe so you'll be the first to know!
This is me honoring what my heart needs from me at this moment.
After posting this, I went to my inbox and there were pages and pages of emails from so many of you, outpouring your love and support of me and sharing stories of how my content has helped you heal, forgive, learn and grow. I have no words to express how much you all mean to me. You make all of this worth it. Thank you from the depths of my heart. You are why I keep going.
MUSIC FOR A HEALING JOURNEY
My wise friend sent me this song, with the note: "if your heart wrote you a love song, this would be it...
Tues Pies - by Nakho and Medicine for the People
I'll be the earth that grounds you
From the chaos all around
I'll be the home you return to
I can be your middle ground
And I will serve as a reminder
That when you jump you will not fall
Go on and spread your wings of reason
We are water after all
You Can't Rush Your Healing - by Trevor Hall
Confusion clouds the heart
But it also points the way
The more you quiet down your mind
The more the song will play
has its teaching
From the book Inward - by yung pueblo
when we disconnect
from our pain
we stop growing
when we are dominated
by our pain
we stop growing
freedom is observing our pain
letting it go
and moving forward