There are entire territories of a person's life that are affected by their mindset. And that mindset will affect whether they'll ever even try what you're suggesting.
Specifically a ‘malleability mindset’..
Personality malleability. Can I actually become someone who responds differently, or is this just my temperament?
Stress response malleability. Is the way I react when I'm flooded fixed, or trainable?
Regulation malleability. Is my capacity to self-regulate a fixed amount that i can't change, or something that evolves and expands?
These mindsets aren’t ‘fixed’ across a whole person, across all contexts, and life stages*.
*which ironically, if we list ourselves or someone else as simply having a ‘fixed mindset’ and not specifying context/life stage/etc. in itself would be a ‘fixed mindset about mindsets’! 🙂
Someone can hold a beautiful growth mindset about their career… and a completely fixed one about their marriage, their temper, their anxiety.
Mindsets are domain-specific.
A person can believe their brain is ‘plastic’ .. and still believe, in their body, that this - the thing that happens in their chest when their kid slams a door, or when someone doesn’t text back, or cuts them off in traffic.. is simply who they are.
2 tools to help us explore mindset more directly:
Tool #1: Ask the malleability question directly.
You could even offer it as a quiz up front (with no judgment about the responses, just curiosity).
"Do you think this is something that can change for you, or does it feel like just how you are?"
The answer tells you something about how open the person might be about exploring tools, or whether mindset and ideas about how innate or malleable different traits/responses are for them.
Tool #2: Hunt for the exception.
A mindset is a logic model, and logic models break at exceptions.
One micro-instance of noticing micro-incremental chang.. A tiny, microscopic moment where someone responded differently than they would have a month ago …
guess what does? It pokes a hole in the theory! It cracks the model of “I can't change”.
It doesn't have to be big. It has to be noticed.
I have used this idea many, many times.. And it always excites me to see a small glimmer of an old mindset being challenged (creating ripe conditions for it to be expanded and updated)
A reflection for this week
Think of one person where it seems like they are stuck.
.. what do you think they might believe about whether this particular thing about them can change?
And then for yourself: where might you be holding a quietly fixed mindset (about your temper, your capacity, a relationship, your own regulation)?
P.S. I believe transformation often begins with an exception.
One moment that doesn't fit the old story.
A micro-evolution or slightly different response that surprises us.
A piece of evidence that says, "Maybe I'm more adaptable than I thought."
Inside the Teach Mindset Science Framework, I walk you through the neuroscience of why those moments are so powerful, and how to intentionally create the conditions where they become more likely.
