If the way you say something falls in line with how someone has already heard you (or someone else say) many times before… you might sense your words ‘going through one ear and out the other’..
(Or bouncing off before they even go into one ear 🙂
The reason?
For the brain: if it’s expected, it’s cheaper to ignore than something unexpected.
Cognitive neuroscientist Stanislas Dehaene puts it plainly
:
"No surprise, no learning."
Learning starts with a prediction error.
A mismatch between what the brain expected and what actually arrived. That mismatch is what releases the neurochemistry that says... pay attention. Something here is worth updating for.
Without that mismatch... the system has no biological reason to re-allocate energy toward you.
So how do we earn that mismatch?
One way is pattern disruption.
Saying something that doesn't fit the over-used framing a person has already heard a thousand times.
Here's one I use a lot in my own work:
Neuroscience is not all about the brain.
That phrase tends to create a small pause. Because it breaks a small pattern of people expecting to hear about the brain when they hear the word neuroscience.
That small ‘contrarian’ phrasing leads a system to orient towards a pattern-disrupt.
From there, a small window opens.
That window is the entry point, not the whole conversation.
Just the opening that might engage someone who would normally ignore words that match what they’ve already heard or expected.
So before the next message, the next post, the next pitch... it's worth asking:
Does what I'm about to say disrupt something the brain has already heard a hundred times?
Or does it sound like the same trendy phrases, the same hashtags, the same predicted ways of saying things?
If our words follow the worn grooves... the brain will filter us out before we finish speaking.
Earning attention is more specific than turning up the volume or polishing the delivery.
Give the predictive system a real reason to update.
A small surprise. A truth they didn't think you'd say.
Tomorrow I want to talk about what happens after attention is earned.
About how we build belonging into our messaging... and the quiet way that can start building walls against the people who could really benefit from new ideas, perspectives and expanding beyond their current circles.
P.S. If you want the full mechanics of how to earn attention, build trust, and create real follow-through - even with with people who are braced against hearing new ideas...
Reach the Resistant Brain walks through it module by module. A few you'll find inside:
- Brain Economics: Why Resistance Isn't Personal — the metabolic math underneath every "no" you've ever gotten
- The Hidden Message: How "Change" Signals "You're Doing It Wrong" — the silent inadequacy signal sabotaging your invitations
- Trust: When the Body Says Yes Before the Mind Does — the nervous system response that has to happen before any content can get through
Full curriculum and details here →
References
Dehaene, S. (2020). How We Learn: Why Brains Learn Better Than Any Machine... for Now. Viking.
Friston, K. (2010). The free-energy principle: a unified brain theory? Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 11(2), 127–138. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2787
Schultz, W., Dayan, P., & Montague, P. R. (1997). A neural substrate of prediction and reward. Science, 275(5306), 1593–1599. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.275.5306.1593
Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 36(3), 181–204. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X12000477
