Articles
“Fine is not a feeling”: how naming feelings with nuance changes the brain
“How are you?” “I’m fine.” Such a common phrase we here… it’s also a reflection of an untapped potential we have to regulating ourselves more intentionally. Because “fine” is a stand-in word .. the one we reach for when we…
The neuroscience underneath “name it to tame it”
There’s a moment between feeling and naming that can change our choices for what we do with our feelings. In a previous article (“AI can’t smell the rain”), I talked about the multisensory layers.. the tingle of sweat tracing down…
Nervous systems are relational.
Nervous systems are relational. We regulate in the presence of other regulated systems. We co-regulate before we self-regulate. Long before we have language for what safety feels like, we learn it through someone whose system knows how to find…
Beyond fight, flight, freeze, fawn, dorsal, ventral: When words pull us away from our own nervous system
Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn. Dorsal. The words help at first. They give shape to experiences that once felt impossible to describe. But sometimes something subtle happens. The naming disconnects from the experience. People move into theory and…
AI can’t smell the rain – what this means for human nervous systems
Right now, as you read this, an entire ocean of information is moving through you that no machine can access. The tingle and tickle of sweat tracing down your back. The flutter of butterflies in your belly. The warmth of…
Why the brain rejects helpful advice: The habenula and why people resist change
Every offer for change carries a hidden implication: The way you’re doing things right now isn’t working. Even when we phrase it gently. Even when we wrap it in encouragement. The nervous system still hears the signal underneath:…
The neuroscience of noticing our feelings: How awareness changes biology
Awareness changes biology. What we can name, we can begin to transform..* When we help ourselves or other people make sense of what they’re feeling, we’re already doing something deeply neurologically significant. Whether it happens in… sessions, workshops,…
No surprise, no learning: how we earn the brain’s attention
If the way you say something falls in line with how someone has already heard you (or someone else say) many times before… you might sense your words ‘going through one ear and out the other’.. (Or bouncing off before…
Bravery has a biology: how the brain learns to move toward
Most of what we call courage rests on a quieter skill underneath it. Most of what feels like real personal power does too. That skill is discernment. The ability to read what our own system is actually telling us. Without…
Two kinds of uncomfortable: what the brain can’t tell apart
The brain is an energy-conserving system. When something requires effort and doesn’t come with a guaranteed return, it gets tagged as be cautious. That tag often shows up as… yuck. I don’t like it. Sometimes that signal is protecting us from…
new podcast! Your nervous system isn’t just yours
There is a signal underneath words. Beneath the identities we try to project. Your nervous system is transmitting constantly: micro-movements, frequencies and rhythms other brains detect before conscious thought catches up. And what neuroscience keeps showing us is this: People…
the ‘neuro-words’ that bring people back into their bodies
Yesterday I wrote about how parts and theory vocabulary can pull a person up and out of their body. Today I want to go into the flip side. What it actually looks like to explain nervous system regulation in…