As much as we need to learn how to self-regulate, as mammals we also need safe connections with others in order to restore our systems.
It’s part of our oxytocinergic, co-regulating genetic heritage.
Every human relationship is therefore a lifelong dance between connection and independence, intimacy and autonomy.
It’s not one or the other… When we learn more about the importance of BOTH, we can build a safe harbor with a trusted other - that they are there to return to as we explore our autonomy and purpose.
That secure harbor to return to for connection and deep presence is what re-calibrates us to be able to go back into the world with new energy and new perspectives.
This is as true for children as it is for adults. The dance of having phases of connection and bonding, with time for individuality and independence... those rhythms are a catalyst for power, compassion, agency and self-mastery.
As a species, we need to learn how to function as units and as systems - in constant interaction with other systems.
Prioritizing our own self-regulation and having a few close, trusted and reliable connections helps us navigate the larger world.
That’s the essence of family, of home. Inward to outward.
This is in contrast to seeking the surface connections of many in order to navigate our internal world. Outward to inward.
Take care of what is internal to you, and your close connections. The safety you create within your most direct spheres of influence then has power to truly help and inspire others. Many people are trying to affect change in higher quantities of people. But that's not how our social nervous systems optimize. They reach their highest functioning and complexity when there is a building of trust, belonging, and acceptance of our imperfections, and direct face-to-heart attunement and connection.
With Love From Me to You
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Disconnection from a feeling of family and in-person community impairs our ability to function at our highest capacity. I'm looking forward to new opportunities to co-create a sense of home, family, team and community - whatever form that takes… surrounded by beauty and loving, deep connections. Excited to forge new and uncommon paths with those deep connections as inspiration for others to live in ways that truly connect with what energizes and fulfills them. Nothing else will do for me at this point. Sometimes we need to feel the lack of something to get clarity about what we want.