"Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable." -Fred Rogers
"Name it to tame it" -Dan Siegel)
The neuroscience behind these ideas is real:
Putting words to emotional states reduces the intensity of the signal.
This is an elegant example of how language and the nervous system are always in conversation with each other.
But something that some teachings miss is that there is a way of naming that actually really helps someone regulate their emotional state, even if they don't have that complex of a vocabulary.
And there is also a way of naming that can block someone from getting in touch with the regulating power of words.
Many of us have heard the idea of 'talking about our feelings'. But we weren't taught the actual mechanics of it.
There is a sequence that helps activate neural pathways that let naming do what it's actually meant to do: bridge feelings upward into awareness, where our brain has a chance to coordinate its signal to help us regulate. This is in contrast to:
- describing feelings from a more 'cerebral' and often disconnected way (like saying I'm angry but not getting in touch with the actual sensations that are happening
- describing feelings in a way that is not granular enough to give the brain more pattern-recognition power to help us (this is called 'undifferentiated arousal'.. it feels bad, but we can't describe it any more than that).
This week, here's one thing to explore that helps illustrate a way to name feelings that can help us 'meet them' without judgment:
Before you reach for the word (like angry, sad, etc.) — find the LOCATION of a sensation.. any sensation that is noticeable.
Where in the body, face, hands, fingers?
And then, possibly, what quality... tight, hollow, buzzing, contracted, heavy? Just that. You don't need the full vocabulary yet.
If only the location is something they can name, that's a start. For some people, that's not quite mentionable yet.. but locating where is an important start in terms of the brain activity that activates.
We need bodily contact with the actual signal before language arrives.
It sounds subtle. But this is the sequence that helps us tune into our self-regulating brain-body mechanisms.
This week, may what moves in you find its way to language that's helpful...
If you want to go deeper — Module 5 of Teach the Nervous System covers this in full:
- the neuroscience of emotion granularity,
- what is actually happening in the brain when we name emotions and why it is so beautifully powerful,
- the two mistakes that look like affect labeling but aren't doing the same work
- the three-step sequence that actually creates regulatory movement in yourself and in the people you're with.
- all the research that validates 'name it to tame it'
→ Join Teach the Nervous System here
And for those already inside the course — Module 9 is now live. Head into the portal when you're ready.
