Have you ever had the experience of feeling like someone really ‘gets you’?
This can take various forms - like being able to share what’s on our mind and the other person holding space for us to explain. It can also be reflected in their ability to mirror back what we are saying with their own words.
When I hear people talk about this experience, it often involves some form of dialogue - sometime written or spoken. Many of us rely on talking to co-regulate and attempt to be understood.
But there are levels of this experience that are non-verbal and that began a long time ago in preverbal forms. It’s important for us to understand all of the signals, sensations and frequencies that occur underneath, before and beyond what we are actually saying.
These signals are part of our social nervous system.
This system allows us to display signals to others that allow them to understand our internal experiences, and for us to know what another's internal state and intended action is towards us.
The tricky thing is that most of us aren’t aware of the ways we move our body, eyes and face in ways that may not lead to what we really want from our relationships.
There are so many ways that our brain-body system uses to portray what we are feeling inside to the external world. It does this by creating audible, visible and mechanical signals so that someone else can hear, see and sense what might be going on for us.
Open dialogue, authentic and real conversations - these are things that regulate our nervous system. Hearing the voices of people who also know how to self-regulate, especially during times of distress... this can also help others calibrate their own physiology so they can be more flexible and capable of dealing with challenges.
We are each like specialized cells of a giant organ.. That ‘organ’ is the collective body of intelligence of the human species and its ability to not only adapt at extremely fast rates to its environment, but its ability to share knowledge and new levels of understanding with each other. That ability to communicate new understandings is what has helped - and will help - all of us to get better and better at creating desirable experiences for ourselves, for us collectively, and for the planet.
As specialized cells within this organ of humanity, we each have unique histories that give us the opportunity to share custom-made, never- seen-before knowledge with each other. Brain scans show that deeply primitive brain structures become highly activated when people hear stories about someone defying the odds, conquering major obstacles (these same areas don't light up in the same way when the stories don't involve struggle)*.
What have you lived through, what have you survived? How has that experience added to your resilience and wisdom?
*check out research by Mary Helen Immordino-Yang
These were some topics we touched upon in yesterday's Neuroscience & Story-Telling Evening. This is somewhat of an experiment for some things I'd like to explore with in-person, team- and partner-oriented events next year.
I also go into this in Season 2 Ep. 10, The Science of Feeling Understood
What I hope to do in this lifetime is help people understand themselves and others better... and why we behave, react and feel the way we do so that we can get better and better at behaving, reacting and feeling the way we want to. I enjoyed the story-telling evening and am excited to continue exploring this realm.
Regulated nervous systems are our key to unlock intelligence needed for learning, innovation and solving our other problems.
To all of you who are focused on helping break the cycles of unhealed wounds - through whatever training or formats you are bringing to people ... the world thanks you 🙂
With Love from Me to You
#resilience #neuroscience #mentalhealth #storytelling #campfirestories #hearthstories #passingdownwisdom #futuregenerations #selfregulation #unhealedwounds #warriorsheart #mission #purpose #team #endurance #familyunit
On a side note..
The thing I like about moving is getting rid of stuff. Getting rid of belongings brings up nervousness, and then a feeling of liberation. I don't have a bed or couch at the moment, but I'm enjoying sitting and sleeping on the floor. Some of my friends know that one of my abilities is to make really good makeshifts beds out of whatever is available. This time was pretty easy since I still had a mattress cover-pad and soft rug. I've been sleeping amazingly well!