Taking things too personally can lead to over-amplified emotions and reactions that distort our thinking and relationships. We can get better at navigating challenging interactions, feelings and relationships when we understand three particular unconscious influences that play a big role in our response..
Every interaction between humans is an interaction between two complex nervous systems with histories.
The contrast to that would be simple (possibly single cell) organisms that have fairly simpl stimulus-response systems. If an event occurs, it’s fairly predictable what their response will be.
Human interactions are not linear.
We are not single-cell organisms with predictable responses. We cannot use simple cause-effect logic to predict or inform how arguments and disintegrations occur. But this doesn’t mean we can’t get better at understanding some of the powerful, often unconscious, factors that influence our reactions, and perceptions.
The key message in this video is that your emotional reactions during interactions with people may not be the absolute “truth” the way you think it is.
There are forces occurring under the surface for both you and the other person. Those forces may distort how you and the other person are interpreting each other’s behavior and may lead to reactions that are over-amplified and in many ways inaccurate.
We all fall victim to dysregulated and defensive behaviors when we don't know what to do with our emotions. When we don’t understand that these things are affecting ours (and their) response, we may end up continuously repeat the same type of negative interactions over and over again.
Knowing what kinds of things influence our nervous system responses can increase our ability to be more curious about our reactions and those of others. Curiosity helps open the mind and our attentional mechanisms. It helps spark new connections and explanations we may not have had before. These new connections and curiosities are a great starting point to learning new ways to navigate our interactions and relationships.
if you’d like even more in-depth coverage on this and ideas for dealing with challenging emotions, join the November 7 Emotion Regulation workshop!
I also cover how we can improve our abilities to master some of the factors that influence our responses in my Super-Regulators mini-book. If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, please check your inbox for the email from me with the link! If you haven’t subscribed yet, just sign up be.oh and you’ll get the Super-Regulators mini-book as well as the Resilience mini-book sent to your inbox.
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Next week’s free gift
Next week I’ll be sending the Growth Mindset Goal-Setting Booklet to subscribers!
If you know of anyone who would find these resources helpful, please send them to this link and encourage them to subscribe! There are many more free gifts coming your way over the next several weeks 🙂
Raffle for my book!
I’ll also be holding a raffle for signed copies of my book, The Biomechanics of Human Communication: Regulation, Attachment and Systems Thinking - published by the prestigious academic press De Gruyter … (sister companies at Cornell and Columbia Business School)
November’s workshop topic:
The next seminar is going to be an important one! All about emotional regulation and navigating through challenging feelings.
Learn how we can gain more control over our nervous system states by understanding how they get triggered, and how our system can become biased towards certain states over others. We’ll also talk about how other systems also play a role, including fear, cognitive distortions, attachment and even the gut-brain axis and microbiomes. You'll receive an audio recording of the workshop as well as handouts and notes.
Some people missed the first one but want to sign up for the remaining 8. If that’s you, please use this link to get a 15% discount!
If you’d like to register for just the November one (each seminar is $55), go this this page and sign up using the booking buttons below!
November 7, 2023 at 7:30-8:45 PM PST.
“Anyone interested in self-development or gaining a profound insight into human behaviour should be undertaking this line of study with Stefanie. Stefanie brings a depth of research and personal knowledge into her work.”
- M. Shellshear, October 2023 workshop participant
Ps- I go in-depth into how we can gain more mastery over these unconscious influences in my mini-book, Super-Regulators: the Science of Self-Regulation - which is FREE for subscribers! (Subscribe below to get it sent to your inbox)
Many more free gifts coming soon for subscribers, including the Growth Mindset Goal-Setting Booklet next week!
*please note that the suggestions and exercises offered in these videos are not offered as a substitute for professional mental health care or medical care and are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental health or medical conditions.