“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
– Ernest Hemingway,
Don't know about you.. but I feel the world needs more opportunities, programs and gatherings where our intention is to offer safety and new perspectives, and to help ourselves turn inward to see how our past unhealed wounds continue to affect how we show up in the world. I want more of us to take accountability for how we affect others. It may sound harsh to say we need to be accountable*, but it's actually the greatest act of self-love and compassion we can offer to ourselves and to the world.
*accountable = ability to take account/inventory
Understanding why we react the way we do, where our patterns come from and how we can show up differently gives us strength, agency and internal safety because it increases our ability to choose... choose our boundaries, our behaviors, our values, our preferences. It helps us stop repeating behaviors and over and over again that don't lead to the experiences we truly yearn for, particularly when it comes to our relationships and desire for true, authentic connection.
The online world has created a matrix that has robbed us of the physiological mechanisms and 'social costs' we need to regulate with each other, and to go through a process of rupture-and-repair. This process is central to resilience. I go into the topic of 'reduced social cost' and mis-attunement that happens online in my interview on the Integrated Mindset Podcast.
I feel fatigued by the world of online performance, groupthink, reactivity and vindictiveness - where people use words to attack, intimidate, show their status, and make people feel small or worried that if they say or post the 'wrong' thing, there will be irreparable consequences, rather than more attempts to understand. From a human-relational and neurological systems perspective, that is a recipe for dysfunction and dysregulation. It's a world I often need a break from.
The art and science of using communication to help us regulate our nervous systems and amplify collective intelligence is something we can master. But we need to intentionally set out to do this, and to learn.
In my interview with Heidi and Ryan, we talk about the science of human connection and how technology leads to distortions and disruptions of our built-in mechanisms for social survival and co-regulation.
This concept is aligned with the book I am currently writing, about the Biomechanics of Human Communication and Attachment.
All of these concepts play into various themes I want to experiment with at in-person events next year, part of my vision of leading a life of presence and multi-dimensional values and experiences.
Have a beautiful weekend.
With Love from Me
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
#mindset #resilience #humanconnection #warriorsheart #familyunit #healing #adaptation
On a side note...
Some corrections I'd like to make about two things I mention in the Integrate Mindset Podcast:
- One update is that in the podcast I said that Alpha brainwaves generally increase in amplitude when people close their eyes... while that's mainly true, what I have also seen, however, is that people who have experienced trauma or have extremely high anxiety may exhibit an increase in very high beta frequencies when they close their eyes and also an significant increase in heart rate.
- I also said that movement can only be detected when there is light - which is obviously incorrect. Our auditory system also enables us to detect movement. Light and visual stimulus help us locate where sound is coming from, but our hearing also plays a role in the visual aspect: our eardrums actually move when our eyes move in order to give us a richer set of data points for locating (triangulating) the source of sound.
I posted previously that I would be hosting an online event on December 11, but I am postponing it until the new year in order to keep my focus on book-writing for my December deadline... It's a gathering for story-telling, which I think is an important something the world needs more of. Stay tuned.
A strange quirk of mine is that I don't really use (or know how to use) catch phrases or commonly-used slang, and if I do it's awkward. You'll hear me make mistakes in this interview... I say foxhole instead of rabbit hole... I also say 'tiktak' instead of tiktok lol. I figure you know what I mean 🙂
I just got invited to be a guest on the Policing in America podcast with Sergeant Tom Datro - and will send an update as soon as it's posted.
Also excited to be interviewing an innovative engineer, mother and homeschooling leader, Noor Sayed from Leaders Amongst Mothers. We'll be recording this month - will update soon, as well as my interview with Dr. Loretta Breuning on mammalian systems and social status.
Here's a quote from Noor: "As a parent I couldn't help but notice that there are other factors that matter in building a lifelong love of learning. Confidence, curiosity, initiative, courage, willingness to try hard things, willingness to make mistakes and fail, collaboration, communication, a sense of agency, an ability to stay on a task in the absence of rewards or consequences etc. Their overall growing relationship with learning mattered so much more than the 'stuff he/she is learning' in the moment. I knew I wanted to raise self directed learners but there was very little guidance on how to actually go about doing that."