Transitions have generally been pretty easy for me for some reason. Except this one. Normally when I move, I do it with the goal of settling there for a while. But due to various reasons (including not giving up on a vision that’s been with me for a long time), I know I’ll be leaving Calgary again in a short while.
Still have so much of my own inner work to do.. doing everything I can to not let the fear of uncertainty overtake my thinking. My protective mechanisms have led me to show up and then pull back, withhold, and then try to make up for it by over-doing or over-expressing. I haven't been that aware of that until very recently. Awareness is the first step.
Although I think choices to change our lives can be stressful and filled with fear that we're making the wrong choice, we can always use a choice we’ve made in a new way. Re-locating allows me to cut ties from a ridiculously expensive cost of living. That was one of my highest priorities for 2023: cut costs of living as much as possible. Paychecks are like never-ending treadmills that you can't get off. One way to get off one is to not have high costs of living. (or live outside of a certain type of economy). I had a dream once of a planet where there was no currency. Such a different place than ours. By re-locating, I will also have proven to myself yet again that I can withstand major transitions and uncertainty - all while experimenting and learning how to self-regulate and build awareness of what’s missing from my life (more about that here). We can make positive meaning about choices - even if they face us with uncertainty.
Although I trust in my ability to make the most of every situation, and to grow and evolve no matter what… I’ve been feeling more aware of a sense of vulnerability than I ever have. That time is limited. A fear of not doing enough, and then too much.. to the point that my mind and body started feeling like they might shut down from me trying to figure out the next best move. I realized that it was potentially a sign that I need to let myself feel the freedom of getting rid of so many possessions, cost of living and a permanent address. There’s a theory I heard about recently called the 4th turning that describes different patterns of history and generations. It talks about Gen X being the ‘nomad generation’. That book struck something very deep within me. A feeling of being part of a bigger team that’s here to do something special. This theme keeps re-emerging as something important for me, especially right now, as I'm making new decisions and transitions. It also made me become even more aware of the aspect of me that has been a nomad… but that I’ve been doing so in ways that left me flying to many destinations without a nest or tree to land in - a safe harbor. It’s like I kept going from place to place and wondering ‘is it here’? Is this my home?
What I’m realizing now - as cheesy as it sounds - is that home doesn’t need to be an exact location - it’s about team, family, community and purpose. And.. we can choose our team, family, community and purpose. We can co-create it with people who see the world in similar ways. I think it’s something a lot of people in this world are missing. Who we surround ourselves with becomes our home, and is what helps us update our algorithms for living life, it's what can push us to new levels we never dreamed of reaching on our own. I don't think I've realized how powerful that is until recently. I’ll be using the next couple of months to re-calibrate with a cheaper living situation, building some new skills. I still have Flathead Valley as the best option for spring - even if that ends up being a temporary move as well, and going from there. There are so many possibilities in this world, so much to see, so much to do, explore, learn, master… so many landscapes, creatures, and amazing people to experience. I’m grateful for my ability to flex and adapt. I'm really good at doing things on my own, no matter how challenging. But it’s still a work in progress for me to be able to express that I need people. I’ve had a protective shield up without really realizing it. Now it’s time for an anchor of family and home, whatever form that takes. I’m willing to continue learning how to make it a grounded reality for my life, and how to be a steady presence for others and for myself. Grateful for the people who inspire me to never give up on that.
#transitions #newchapter #relocating #longtermvision #team #mission #purpose #endurance #familyunit #manifesting #dreams #dontgiveup #longhaul
